Why I am now doing Lent

When Lent started I never really felt a need to give up anything. I felt that the spirit behind the act of abstaining from something for 40 days was not genuine. My line of reasoning was that people placed too much value on the act instead of on the heart of the matter. After all, we are called to give our entire lives to Christ. I also dislike conforming to a particular trend that everyone else does. Besides, the term Lent, I believe, cannot be found anywhere in the Bible. My reasoning was that Lent was not particularly biblical so why bother.

However, as time passed, the meaning behind Lent was slowly revealed by God to me. In a profound e-mail sent by my youth director, God really convicted me of the sacrifices Jesus had to make on earth. I discovered that Lent was a parallelism to the forty days Jesus spent in the desert. And God, being the the loving God that he is, convicted me of my own attitudes, not exclusively on Lent, but on my entire attitude toward physical deprivation for spiritual renewal such as fasting. I realized that what really prevented me from acknowledging the practice of Lent was my pride and selfishness. My pride in the fact that I did not want to do something that everyone else was doing, and my selfishness in that I did not want to give up something that I enjoy immensely. Boy, how God is awesome in his ways! Finally, I resolved to participate in Lent despite missing out on the first week and a half. Knowing myself, accidentally breaking my vows is a pressing and very real concern that I have. Mainly, because I so easily forget the promises and vows that I make to God. Therefore here are some guidelines I have made for myself going into Lent:

1) Lent is meant to help me better realize the sacrifice that Jesus made. I cannot even begin to realize the shear weight of God's ultimate sacrifice, but Lent is an opportunity to experience and model the life of Jesus.

2) Physical deprivation means nothing without spiritual reliance on God. Lent is for the glory of God, not the glory of man. May lent be an opportunity to praise and pray.

3) I also hope that Lent will help me appreciate the gracious blessings of God. I can only give up what God has so graciously given to me. Also, with eager anticipation I await the day of our risen LORD. These forty days of deprivation eventually will lead to an eager anticipation for the joyful celebration of our risen LORD this Easter.

So what did I give up? I decided to do the traditional catholic practice of giving up meat for this Lent. I wanted my sacrifice to be something that was somewhat difficult and to be something that I enjoy (eating vast amounts of meat). Therefore, I have decided to abstain from meat, excluding seafood, for the LORD. May every opportunity I crave meat be an opportunity to worship, praise, and thank God for the ultimate sacrifice he made. May these forty days be a time of reflection and meditation on things which are distracting me from God. I pray that God will bring me to full reliance on him and that he will guard my mouth and my heart.

The Current Season

I am in this depressive funk and I do not know why. Do you ever feel that the life you are living is meaningless and wasted? I examine my life and I am convicted through and through of my selfishness. Everyday seems like a day devoted to promote my interests rather than that of God’s interest. Maybe the sickness is running rampant on my mind or maybe the stresses of school have eaten away at my nerve endings. Who knows but God. There is one thing that I know. God is trying to tell me something, and I am not willing to listen to his tender, guiding voice.

Every single day opportunity passes by. Everyday, I hurt someone. Everyday, I go to bed the same way I woke up. Life consists of a series of increasing microcosms of itself. Everyday we wake up, live out our day, then go to sleep. Every week, we drudge through Monday, get by the weekday, and party on the weekends only to start over again. For our lives, we build our dreams, experience life, and finally return to the dust of the earth. How sad to think that our everyday reflects the course of our entire lives. All I am saying is that if my everyday is in anyway a precursor to my entire life, I am in trouble.

I think about the disciples in the Garden while Jesus prayed in agony. Multiple times Jesus prayed and every single time, the disciples fell asleep. They fell into a spiritual slumber that led to spiritual blindness. The events that were about to transpire over the next 24 hours would shake the foundations of the world, mankind, and the heavenly realms. The disciples were about to witness and take part in an event that all of history was leading up to. Yet, they were sleeping. The disciples were caught up in the short-sighted realm of the seen rather then the eternal realm of the unseen. If they only knew about the events that were about to transpire – Peter’s denial, Jesus’ eternal atonement of the sins of mankind, the fulfillment of God’s covenant with Abraham – they would not have dared close their eyes to get the least bit of rest. Nevertheless, sleep, to them was of the most pressing of concerns.

Regrettably, I must admit that I have fallen into a similar state of spiritual slumber. So many times I forget to realize that today is a day of spiritual breakthrough, and I have fallen. Today is the day when God will unveil an unleashing of his glory that has been building on the faithful prayer of countless followers for a countless amount of years. Maybe today is the day when God will fulfill a promise he made thousands of generations ago. Maybe today people will be set free. Today, people will be healed. Today, nations will fall at the throne of God Almighty. I never fully grasp this, but around this world, people are finding a new life in Christ. People are crying out for Christ and God’s kingdom constantly makes itself known. I think that one reason for my depressed state is that I have stopped expecting God to do big things. When I realize my sinful state of things, my soul becomes sad and my heart breaks. I am starting to worry about my career, my money, my feelings, and my ambitions. When, first off, these things are not mine to begin with. And secondly, I am such a small drop in the grand scheme of God’s kingdom. I know that God calls me to greater aspirations than what I am settling for now.

I sound so bad when I say that, in the grand scheme of things, school does not matter. Do not get me wrong, I certainly do not think that school work should be neglected. And most certainly, what I learn now will help open doors for God’s kingdom in the future. All I am saying is that there must be something greater, and while doing school work I forget to realize that God is ever present and using the drudgery of school work to do great things for his kingdom. I have not the clearest idea of what that is, nor have I fully grasped this ideal. But, I know deep in my heart, with utmost conviction, that there must be something greater than what I am able to see or grasp. My heart aches and yearns for something greater than this life. Have I forgotten that everyday is an opportunity for me to build upon the kingdom of God. That every day is an opportunity to invest in something far more immense than I could ever accomplish on my own? That is my fear: That I will desire a good job, a good wife, good kids, a good home, and a good retirement, and die remembered as a man who lived a good life. I wish that all I want is to live for a good God. Sadly, that is not the case. Man, such desires are so easy especially when God has so graciously blessed me with growing up in such a situation as I am in now. I want to live for Christ, but what does that look like and why is it so hard? I wish I could express the shear amount of frustration that perplexes my mind. Only God knows and only God can resolve this problem. Only with faith do I know that God loves his children and slowly transform them into who he intended them to be. I may not be there. I may not even have the desire to be there. But only with humble surrender does God bring us close to him. This is the season of my soul. Praise be to God.

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After I posted this, I realized that a lot of what I wrote was me venting about myself. Honestly, I have to give God all the glory for sustaining me and being such a gracious and faithful God. After I posted this blog entry, I realized that a lot of the word were about me and not a lot of the words talked about the unsurpassing awesomeness of God's character. Anyways, what sustains me through this season is that fact that I know that God's grace is enough and the he loves his children. I remember walking back home alone in the cold feeling discouraged and trying to cling to the promises of God (though, at the moment believing in God's good will was difficult). Nonetheless, just trying to grasp on to some sort of solid reassurance was just enough to get me back home. God gave me just enough grace to keep me going. For that, I thank God and I praise him that season's come and go, but God remains the same. God is my rock and my redeemer. Praise be to the LORD my God forever and ever.