Two Observations on Relationships

So, I have been thinking about relationships recently. Actually, I have thought about relationships for over three years now. Especially now, however, as I have approached the beginning of the rest of my life. You start thinking about the person you will spend that time with. God has certainly kept me too busy to really worry too much about romantic interest. Nonetheless, through the instances where I have had to encounter issues surrounding my emotions and desires, God has certainly taught me much (and I still have a lot to learn).I was raised with a lot of blinders on as a child. My parents never talked about “those things” when I was a child and I focused intently on my studies. I certainly do not claim to be an expert on relationships. However, I’ve come up with my two observations on relationships:

1) We do not take relationships seriously enough.
I firmly hold to the belief that the end product of dating is marriage. Many people do not realize that the emotion, spiritual, and physical connections we form slowly binds our hearts together. Even the bonds we form with family and friends, through sharing our struggles and triumphs, connect us all to the collective vine. The connection between a husband and wife really, when we look at it, models the deeply intimate connection between Christ and his people. Many of us long for that deep intimacy. We long for the intended intimacy with a seemingly disconnected God, and the intimacy from a partner helps us tangibly fulfill these deeply ingrained needs. Dating, as well as any relationship for that matter, should be handled with the similar seriousness of pursuing our relationship with God.

2) We take relationships too seriously.
The problem with relationships is that they involve people. People sin, we sin. If our sole means for fulfilling our inborn desires for intimacy, love, and purpose is based on finding the right one, we are bound to be disappointed. God will provide for our needs and he will provide us with a spouse. God has been teaching me to slowly trust in him more and more with every aspect of my life. We are tempted to enter into a relationship before we even know who God is, who we are, and where our lives are going. Let us fall in love with Jesus before we fall in love with anyone else.

What has definitely helped me sort through the misty waters of dating is being able to sort through the fog with friends. As our community becomes tighter, attractions are bound to emerge. We are afraid, however, to seriously discuss such a vital aspect of our lives. God has blessed us with a desire to share our lives with another and I truly believe he longs to fulfill our God-given desires. Let us first approach the author of our lives before we begin to write the story of our lives with someone else. And as we journey along with someone, my God continue to redeem and glorify himself through our inadequacies and failures.

Flowering Plants

Haven't posted in an eternity. No one probably reads this at all (or ever did). But here goes:

So last semester I bought a nicely flowering plant during the autumn season. I thought the cute little orange flowers would bring some life into our otherwise musty dorm room. After a few days of accentuating the room, the flowers started to wither. What was I doing wrong? Were the living conditions of our room in that much of squalor? I tried watering the plant; I placed the plant by the window (but not too close for fear of freezing its fragile green leaves); I even used my desk lamp to provide extra tender loving care for my beloved plant. No, I did not name the thing if that was what you were thinking. Anyways, the flowers eventually withered and fell off. My efforts to nurture the plant were for none and what was left was a shrubby tuft of leaves. I failed; I acknowledged defeat and stopped watering the plant.

Nonetheless, after a month or so of neglect, my roommate notices the shriveled, yellowing plant on the television. Some leaves were dried out; others were on the verge of falling off. “Sam, you got to water that thing. It’s still alive.” Then it struck me. Even though the flowers had come off, the plant was still a living organism which required tender loving care. Maybe the flowers were supposed to fall off. After all, plants in the wild have seasons of flowering and seasons of hibernation. Then it hit me again. How often do we only care about something if it serves our means and purposes, but once they are no longer useful to us, we consider them garbage? I only cared about the plant with its beautiful flowers. I was willing to love and care for the plant in order to exploit the beauty of the wonderful orange blossoms. However, once they were gone, I left the plant withering on the television.

Not only do I view and treat others this way, I realized that so many times we treat ourselves in a very similar way. We tell ourselves, “I’m not growing or God is not working because I cannot see the flowers.” Well, wake up and smell the roses, Doris. There are seasons when we bare fruit. However, the rest of the time, the gardener (i.e. God) is pruning our lives, watering us, nurturing us until the time is right. I’m thankful that we have a God who is beyond generous in his patience and diligence in growing his flowers.