Faith and Fear

I believe that God finds just as much delight in someone who tries a task which they are not talented in as to a talented somebody who does something without the slightest hesitation. God delights in steps of faith just as a parent finds utmost joy when their child walks for the first time. Even though the hesitant first steps are clumsy and wobbly, they are steps that will be forever cherished in a parent's heart. God prods us to take wobbly steps of faith while standing ready to catch us when we stumble. On the other hand, I believe that God also finds delight in those that use the talents he has so graciously given. A parent not only delights in the clumsy first steps, they also delight in watching their child perform graciously at a dance recital or skillfully at a track race.

So many times, I have torn myself up because I have felt awkward and uncoordinated in my steps of faith. The first small group which I led was filled with countless instances of awkwardness and failure. Who am I to say that God is not able to use my failures for his glory? Am I so powerful as to displace the soverign will of God? Certainly not.

Even now I still question God whenever he calls me to take certain steps of faith. The uncomfortable fear of feeling awkward always creeps into my heart. Feelings of inadequacies and doubts of my abilities permeate through out my thought life. So many times I forget about the superposition of justification by faith over justification by works.

One way fear manifests itself in my life occurs through God's calling to evangelise. While walking to class, I see the countless lost souls on campus. Yet, I wonder why I do not take more action to save them from enimient death. Why am I so complacent and fear stricken? Still, he calls everyone to spread out and continually share about God's glory. Believe me. I am awkward in many ways. Yet God calls me to readily share despite my introverted nature. Why? Because God delights in steps of faith. Through this realization, my entire perspective on life changes. I begin to understand that every moment of my being and every thread of my life-long progression leads to a fuller reliance and dependance on God. Taking steps of faith into areas of weakness and uncomfortable refinement force me to realize my inadequacy and acknowledge God's complete transformative power. I do not take action because I am in control, rather, due to the fact that God is.

Eventually, as I am able to take greater steps of faith, God transforms and develops my weaknesses into strengths and tools. One example is prayer. I remember this one person in my small group who at first, did not have any practice in corporate prayer. However, as he took more steps of faith, God began to develop his words and thoughts. His prayer began to vastly mature. God also uses steps of faith to humble my pride and even redirect me to areas of my strengths, allowing others to fill in for my shortfall.

Man, staying comfortable is so easy to do. I am a creature of selfish complacency. I tend to gravitate towards living life in my own isolated bubble. So many times I base my actions on me and what benefits me. When, in actuality, life is all about God. Even the prospect of being willing to be uncomfortable brings about fear. However, I pray and praise God for his transformative work.