Life, Love, and Lust

Recently, one thing that has plagued my mind was the thought of relationships with the opposite sex. I believe that in this culture of male-female interactions, God gets lost in the emotional ebb and flow of the stormy waves of our minds. Unfortunately, over the past weeks and even now, my mind seems to be constantly occupied by thoughts and feelings that I cannot quite explain. God, however, in his infinite wisdom, has taught me some lessons and has convicted my soul in many ways.

One question that seems to constantly weigh on my soul is the issue of distinguishing between actual God-given attraction or merely the unrestrained lustful desires of my heart. Honestly and quite sinfully in many aspects, I find myself given over to many short-lived periods of infatuation. This type of seemingly innocent feelings of attraction easily lead to the defiling of the thought life. This defilement, I find, is not only manifested in lustful, sexual thoughts, but lustful, non-sexual thoughts . I think males and females generally struggle differently. That being more for males dealing with the first issue and more for females with the second issue. That being said, I struggle with both issues and my failings are not limited to just one. The first one is a more obvious and apparent violation of God's moral law. In many ways, lust is taking the other person against their will and committing acts of sexual perversion in the mind. Sounds kinda like rape. Sounds kinda extreme. However, remember where sin starts. That's right, the thought life. To think that anyone that has thought impurely about someone has, in effect, committed mental rape. Lust not only effects the person committing the sin and the person sinned against, lust stretches far greater than that. Imagine how disrespectful this is for the future husband of this future wife or again the heavenly Father of this precious daughter. Many times, I do not realize the sheer gravity of lustful thought and the abomination lust is to God.

What about the second issue, dealing with infatuation. What about thoughts of having a romantic, non-sexual interaction with that person. This type of lust comes in a more subtle form because of its non-explicit guises. One might think that just because their thoughts are not sexual, they are not committing sin. What could possibly be wrong with thoughts of being wooed or wooing someone else. The thought of being cherished and cherishing another is - in itself - not sinful. However, problems start to arise when this type of longing supersedes our love for God. Not only does this distract our minds from Christ, I find that this alters our motivations, desires, thoughts, and wants away from Christ. Eventually, our fulfillment and happiness no longer depends on Christ, but that person becomes the center of our focus. Only Christ can fill the empty void for companionship. Christ is our first love. During the past few weeks, I found myself preoccupied with other things rather than God. Jesus is the only completely fulfilling thing in my life, he is the only perfect lover and cherisher of my soul. God really convicted me that I should be cherishing God and seeking after the adoration of Christ and not that of a person.

This may sound kind of weird, especially coming from a guy, but God really showed me that a truly perfect relationship only comes through Christ. I so easily become infatuated with people I hardly know, but how often am I infatuated with God. Do I long to be in his presence, to be held under his protective care. Do I freely share the most intimate secrets with my God. Am I willing to sacrifice life and ambition to please the one and only God Almighty. When I think about God, does my heart flutter and my soul blush. Honestly, I hardly have such heart-felt infatuation for God.

At IV Winter Retreat, the message was on the story of Ruth. The story of Ruth is a tender tale of devotion, love, and redemption. (Ruth). Basically, I realized that the interaction between Ruth and Boaz parallels the interaction between God and his followers. Jesus is the true kinsman redeemer; Jesus is the true lover of my soul; and Jesus exemplifies true steadfast-love in his covenant relationship.

God has also taught me that a wife is a gift from God. I neither deserve nor am able to earn a companion. You might be thinking, so you basically are going to sit around and pray that God plops a wife down in front of you. No. I think that this is a good mind set in not being anxious about the future and to truely cherish something that God so graciously gives and does not give. Honestly, I still do not know the clear distinction between attraction and lust, and I struggle with them all the time. Trusting in God is hard to do. Letting go of envy, jealousy, and selfishness is hard to do. Giving to God someone you cherish is hard to do. In the end, even your "soulmate" belongs to God. To demand that someone love you more than God is not love. True love is exemplified when one offers the things that they most cherish to God. However, I certainly do not think that feelings should be denied nor sins hidden. I have resolved to honestly present them to God and wait for him to answer me.