When Lent started I never really felt a need to give up anything. I felt that the spirit behind the act of abstaining from something for 40 days was not genuine. My line of reasoning was that people placed too much value on the act instead of on the heart of the matter. After all, we are called to give our entire lives to Christ. I also dislike conforming to a particular trend that everyone else does. Besides, the term Lent, I believe, cannot be found anywhere in the Bible. My reasoning was that Lent was not particularly biblical so why bother.
However, as time passed, the meaning behind Lent was slowly revealed by God to me. In a profound e-mail sent by my youth director, God really convicted me of the sacrifices Jesus had to make on earth. I discovered that Lent was a parallelism to the forty days Jesus spent in the desert. And God, being the the loving God that he is, convicted me of my own attitudes, not exclusively on Lent, but on my entire attitude toward physical deprivation for spiritual renewal such as fasting. I realized that what really prevented me from acknowledging the practice of Lent was my pride and selfishness. My pride in the fact that I did not want to do something that everyone else was doing, and my selfishness in that I did not want to give up something that I enjoy immensely. Boy, how God is awesome in his ways! Finally, I resolved to participate in Lent despite missing out on the first week and a half. Knowing myself, accidentally breaking my vows is a pressing and very real concern that I have. Mainly, because I so easily forget the promises and vows that I make to God. Therefore here are some guidelines I have made for myself going into Lent:
1) Lent is meant to help me better realize the sacrifice that Jesus made. I cannot even begin to realize the shear weight of God's ultimate sacrifice, but Lent is an opportunity to experience and model the life of Jesus.
2) Physical deprivation means nothing without spiritual reliance on God. Lent is for the glory of God, not the glory of man. May lent be an opportunity to praise and pray.
3) I also hope that Lent will help me appreciate the gracious blessings of God. I can only give up what God has so graciously given to me. Also, with eager anticipation I await the day of our risen LORD. These forty days of deprivation eventually will lead to an eager anticipation for the joyful celebration of our risen LORD this Easter.
So what did I give up? I decided to do the traditional catholic practice of giving up meat for this Lent. I wanted my sacrifice to be something that was somewhat difficult and to be something that I enjoy (eating vast amounts of meat). Therefore, I have decided to abstain from meat, excluding seafood, for the LORD. May every opportunity I crave meat be an opportunity to worship, praise, and thank God for the ultimate sacrifice he made. May these forty days be a time of reflection and meditation on things which are distracting me from God. I pray that God will bring me to full reliance on him and that he will guard my mouth and my heart.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
The Current Season
I am in this depressive funk and I do not know why. Do you ever feel that the life you are living is meaningless and wasted? I examine my life and I am convicted through and through of my selfishness. Everyday seems like a day devoted to promote my interests rather than that of God’s interest. Maybe the sickness is running rampant on my mind or maybe the stresses of school have eaten away at my nerve endings. Who knows but God. There is one thing that I know. God is trying to tell me something, and I am not willing to listen to his tender, guiding voice.
Every single day opportunity passes by. Everyday, I hurt someone. Everyday, I go to bed the same way I woke up. Life consists of a series of increasing microcosms of itself. Everyday we wake up, live out our day, then go to sleep. Every week, we drudge through Monday, get by the weekday, and party on the weekends only to start over again. For our lives, we build our dreams, experience life, and finally return to the dust of the earth. How sad to think that our everyday reflects the course of our entire lives. All I am saying is that if my everyday is in anyway a precursor to my entire life, I am in trouble.
***
After I posted this, I realized that a lot of what I wrote was me venting about myself. Honestly, I have to give God all the glory for sustaining me and being such a gracious and faithful God. After I posted this blog entry, I realized that a lot of the word were about me and not a lot of the words talked about the unsurpassing awesomeness of God's character. Anyways, what sustains me through this season is that fact that I know that God's grace is enough and the he loves his children. I remember walking back home alone in the cold feeling discouraged and trying to cling to the promises of God (though, at the moment believing in God's good will was difficult). Nonetheless, just trying to grasp on to some sort of solid reassurance was just enough to get me back home. God gave me just enough grace to keep me going. For that, I thank God and I praise him that season's come and go, but God remains the same. God is my rock and my redeemer. Praise be to the LORD my God forever and ever.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Faith and Fear
I believe that God finds just as much delight in someone who tries a task which they are not talented in as to a talented somebody who does something without the slightest hesitation. God delights in steps of faith just as a parent finds utmost joy when their child walks for the first time. Even though the hesitant first steps are clumsy and wobbly, they are steps that will be forever cherished in a parent's heart. God prods us to take wobbly steps of faith while standing ready to catch us when we stumble. On the other hand, I believe that God also finds delight in those that use the talents he has so graciously given. A parent not only delights in the clumsy first steps, they also delight in watching their child perform graciously at a dance recital or skillfully at a track race.
So many times, I have torn myself up because I have felt awkward and uncoordinated in my steps of faith. The first small group which I led was filled with countless instances of awkwardness and failure. Who am I to say that God is not able to use my failures for his glory? Am I so powerful as to displace the soverign will of God? Certainly not.
Even now I still question God whenever he calls me to take certain steps of faith. The uncomfortable fear of feeling awkward always creeps into my heart. Feelings of inadequacies and doubts of my abilities permeate through out my thought life. So many times I forget about the superposition of justification by faith over justification by works.
One way fear manifests itself in my life occurs through God's calling to evangelise. While walking to class, I see the countless lost souls on campus. Yet, I wonder why I do not take more action to save them from enimient death. Why am I so complacent and fear stricken? Still, he calls everyone to spread out and continually share about God's glory. Believe me. I am awkward in many ways. Yet God calls me to readily share despite my introverted nature. Why? Because God delights in steps of faith. Through this realization, my entire perspective on life changes. I begin to understand that every moment of my being and every thread of my life-long progression leads to a fuller reliance and dependance on God. Taking steps of faith into areas of weakness and uncomfortable refinement force me to realize my inadequacy and acknowledge God's complete transformative power. I do not take action because I am in control, rather, due to the fact that God is.
Eventually, as I am able to take greater steps of faith, God transforms and develops my weaknesses into strengths and tools. One example is prayer. I remember this one person in my small group who at first, did not have any practice in corporate prayer. However, as he took more steps of faith, God began to develop his words and thoughts. His prayer began to vastly mature. God also uses steps of faith to humble my pride and even redirect me to areas of my strengths, allowing others to fill in for my shortfall.
Man, staying comfortable is so easy to do. I am a creature of selfish complacency. I tend to gravitate towards living life in my own isolated bubble. So many times I base my actions on me and what benefits me. When, in actuality, life is all about God. Even the prospect of being willing to be uncomfortable brings about fear. However, I pray and praise God for his transformative work.
So many times, I have torn myself up because I have felt awkward and uncoordinated in my steps of faith. The first small group which I led was filled with countless instances of awkwardness and failure. Who am I to say that God is not able to use my failures for his glory? Am I so powerful as to displace the soverign will of God? Certainly not.
Even now I still question God whenever he calls me to take certain steps of faith. The uncomfortable fear of feeling awkward always creeps into my heart. Feelings of inadequacies and doubts of my abilities permeate through out my thought life. So many times I forget about the superposition of justification by faith over justification by works.
One way fear manifests itself in my life occurs through God's calling to evangelise. While walking to class, I see the countless lost souls on campus. Yet, I wonder why I do not take more action to save them from enimient death. Why am I so complacent and fear stricken? Still, he calls everyone to spread out and continually share about God's glory. Believe me. I am awkward in many ways. Yet God calls me to readily share despite my introverted nature. Why? Because God delights in steps of faith. Through this realization, my entire perspective on life changes. I begin to understand that every moment of my being and every thread of my life-long progression leads to a fuller reliance and dependance on God. Taking steps of faith into areas of weakness and uncomfortable refinement force me to realize my inadequacy and acknowledge God's complete transformative power. I do not take action because I am in control, rather, due to the fact that God is.
Eventually, as I am able to take greater steps of faith, God transforms and develops my weaknesses into strengths and tools. One example is prayer. I remember this one person in my small group who at first, did not have any practice in corporate prayer. However, as he took more steps of faith, God began to develop his words and thoughts. His prayer began to vastly mature. God also uses steps of faith to humble my pride and even redirect me to areas of my strengths, allowing others to fill in for my shortfall.
Man, staying comfortable is so easy to do. I am a creature of selfish complacency. I tend to gravitate towards living life in my own isolated bubble. So many times I base my actions on me and what benefits me. When, in actuality, life is all about God. Even the prospect of being willing to be uncomfortable brings about fear. However, I pray and praise God for his transformative work.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Dying for Christ
For the longest time I questioned whether I would be able to die for Christ. You hear about Christians paying the ultimate price. I wondered whether under the most torturous instances I would deny my LORD. I struggled a great deal during senior year of high school with that issue. I questioned the authenticity of my faith and God. My mind sunk into a pit of doubt and despair.
Then God answered ...
The real hard question was not: are you able to die for God. Instead, the truly challenging question that I was not asking was: are you willing to live for God. Dying for God is easy once you realize what lies beyond the grave. Living for Christ, on the other hand, through the most heavy of suffering is the real challenge. I questioned whether I was willing to travel to some far off country to die for God. However, God showed me that I was not even willing to proclaim the message of Christ to those around me during the everyday mundane of life. O, how I forget that the abundant life is manifested in the everyday of life. The kingdom of God is manifested through the daily grind and endurance of life. I do not want to sound too judgmental, but the suicide bombers have a skewed perspective on devotion. Devotion to God is not proven through the taking of ones life for a cause. Instead, devotion is exemplified through the patient and sometimes painful living of one's life for God.
Jesus does not only call us to die. He calls us to die, then to live for him. I wonder what I am doing to live for God's kingdom.
Wow, think about how I so dearly cling to the temporary life of this world. God, work out your convictions in my life.
Then God answered ...
The real hard question was not: are you able to die for God. Instead, the truly challenging question that I was not asking was: are you willing to live for God. Dying for God is easy once you realize what lies beyond the grave. Living for Christ, on the other hand, through the most heavy of suffering is the real challenge. I questioned whether I was willing to travel to some far off country to die for God. However, God showed me that I was not even willing to proclaim the message of Christ to those around me during the everyday mundane of life. O, how I forget that the abundant life is manifested in the everyday of life. The kingdom of God is manifested through the daily grind and endurance of life. I do not want to sound too judgmental, but the suicide bombers have a skewed perspective on devotion. Devotion to God is not proven through the taking of ones life for a cause. Instead, devotion is exemplified through the patient and sometimes painful living of one's life for God.
Jesus does not only call us to die. He calls us to die, then to live for him. I wonder what I am doing to live for God's kingdom.
Wow, think about how I so dearly cling to the temporary life of this world. God, work out your convictions in my life.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Words
Over winter break, the word redemption was used. Particularly in the context of a kinsmen redeemer exemplified through the relationship between Boaz and Ruth. While we were sharing about instances of God's redemptive work in our lives, I realized that I do not really know what that word even means. In fact, God convicted me of my ignorant use of 'Christian' catch phrases. I have my conceptions of certain words and their meanings, however, do I really know what God intended when he placed them in the Bible? Honestly, there probably exists some linguistic school of thought that has some explanation or theory explaining the formation of meaning behind words. Probably goes along the lines about how the exact same word can have different meanings to different people. So, here is what redemption means to me. Basically, I have broken redemption into three categories of meaning: Representation, Ransom, and Restoration.
Representation.
The redeemer acts as a representative for a person who otherwise would be helpless.
Basically, the Old testament function of a kinsman redeemer was to free a relative from slavery, enact justice to a crime committed on that relative, or provide protection to the dead relative's wife. Basically, one aspect of the redemptive process is to guarantee the rights of an individual who, otherwise, had no power to claim their rights by themselves. This aspect of redemption was an obligation that God commanded the people of Israel to exhibit. In other words, acting as a redemptive representative is our responsibility as part of the body of Christ. Redemption is a call of duty. Redemption happens when individuals stand-up for the rights of marginalized individuals in society. Redemption also happens when judges promote due justice in the courts. They are acting as redeemers for the victims who otherwise would be helpless to enact justice. On a similar note, lawyers act as redeemers to innocent individuals who know not their legal rights in the court system.
In many ways, God is the ultimate redeemer. He acts as the fair judge who enacts ultimate justice on sins in due process. God also acts as an advocate. Jesus acts as our representative who has full natures of both God and man. He not only knows the full character of God, Jesus also knows the full character of human nature. He is the one that bridges the gap between Man and the creator, and stands as a our legal consul in the courtroom of God's throne. The Holy Spirit also acts as an intercessor between God and Man. In many ways, God's redemptive process occurs when God does something in our life that we alone could never do.
Ransom.
The redeemer pays a ransom in exchange for a person who otherwise has no means to pay.
The act of redemption is not cheap. The kinsmen redeemer must buy the freedom of his relative or risk pain and suffering in order to redeem that relative. In other words, the redemptive process is an exchange. The redeemer must give something in order to get something back, and what they get may not even be comparable in value to the thing they exchanged. This exchange may come in the form of money, time, trust, and effort. Individuals must exchange money to redeem a hostage. A spouse must invest loads of time and energy into their counter-parts to redeem them from countless times of unfaithfulness and failure. Likewise, parents exchange loads of time and trust to redeem a child from disobedience.
The most obvious example of God paying a redemptive ransom appears through the payment of Jesus Christ. Jesus gave up everything in order to act as a ransom for us. We were under the bondage of sin and God's judgment hung over our heads. There was no means for paying our own way out. Jesus, acting as the ransom, set us free by shamefully hanging on a tree. There exists no greater redemption than that of Christ's ransom. God's redemptive work also happens everyday. Just like a husband or wife to an unfaithful spouse or a parent to a disobedient child, God patiently invests time, love, and trust into a constantly unfaithful creation. God graciously withholds his demand for judgment on our sinful deeds so that those who are perishing may be saved. Admittedly, thinking of an infinite God having to sacrifice anything is quite hard to grasp. However, an infinite God has an infinite desire for justice, imagine how hard holding back infinite justice would be. This is not to say that God has struggles with his own nature. Instead, I believe that God makes sacrifices (I do not even really know what this word means) for his own beloved children everyday.
Restoration.
The redeemer restores a person's value and true worth.
Ultimately, redemption is a change of status. Whether from slave to free, widow to wife, victimized to empowered, redemption is a restoration to an initial state. This restoration occurs through representative and costly redemption.
An analogy would be that of an old beat up copper pitcher one would find in an antique store. The pitcher has long gone unused, crusted over, dull, and dented. Well, a certain person finds this old pitcher, closely inspects the find, and decides to purchase the beat up old thing. He smoothes out the dents, polishes the metal to a bright glistening glow and proudly displays the pitcher during his many dinner parties. He serves lemonade with the pitcher and places this precious work of art as a centerpiece to everything else on the table. He tenderly cleans the restored and beautiful pitcher and stores it in a china cabinet. God restores our old beat up, sinful selves into a precious, clean self. This self is the way God originally intended us to be. This self is the true worth that God sees in us through our blemishes.
In the beginning, God created man and woman and declared his creation good. He placed intrinsic value to his precious creation. However, after the fall, we became dull, dented, and crusted over. We depreciated our worth and became as useless as garbage. God saw past our sins and flaws. He redeems us through his son, Jesus Christ, to restore value, worth, and functionality. Everyday is a process of restoration; everyday we are redeemed and called to redeem others.
God stands as our advocate, our ransom, and our restoration. He stands as our redeemer. Hopefully, I will realize and take notice of God's constant redemption and be His vessel of redemption for other people.
Representation.
The redeemer acts as a representative for a person who otherwise would be helpless.
Basically, the Old testament function of a kinsman redeemer was to free a relative from slavery, enact justice to a crime committed on that relative, or provide protection to the dead relative's wife. Basically, one aspect of the redemptive process is to guarantee the rights of an individual who, otherwise, had no power to claim their rights by themselves. This aspect of redemption was an obligation that God commanded the people of Israel to exhibit. In other words, acting as a redemptive representative is our responsibility as part of the body of Christ. Redemption is a call of duty. Redemption happens when individuals stand-up for the rights of marginalized individuals in society. Redemption also happens when judges promote due justice in the courts. They are acting as redeemers for the victims who otherwise would be helpless to enact justice. On a similar note, lawyers act as redeemers to innocent individuals who know not their legal rights in the court system.
In many ways, God is the ultimate redeemer. He acts as the fair judge who enacts ultimate justice on sins in due process. God also acts as an advocate. Jesus acts as our representative who has full natures of both God and man. He not only knows the full character of God, Jesus also knows the full character of human nature. He is the one that bridges the gap between Man and the creator, and stands as a our legal consul in the courtroom of God's throne. The Holy Spirit also acts as an intercessor between God and Man. In many ways, God's redemptive process occurs when God does something in our life that we alone could never do.
Ransom.
The redeemer pays a ransom in exchange for a person who otherwise has no means to pay.
The act of redemption is not cheap. The kinsmen redeemer must buy the freedom of his relative or risk pain and suffering in order to redeem that relative. In other words, the redemptive process is an exchange. The redeemer must give something in order to get something back, and what they get may not even be comparable in value to the thing they exchanged. This exchange may come in the form of money, time, trust, and effort. Individuals must exchange money to redeem a hostage. A spouse must invest loads of time and energy into their counter-parts to redeem them from countless times of unfaithfulness and failure. Likewise, parents exchange loads of time and trust to redeem a child from disobedience.
The most obvious example of God paying a redemptive ransom appears through the payment of Jesus Christ. Jesus gave up everything in order to act as a ransom for us. We were under the bondage of sin and God's judgment hung over our heads. There was no means for paying our own way out. Jesus, acting as the ransom, set us free by shamefully hanging on a tree. There exists no greater redemption than that of Christ's ransom. God's redemptive work also happens everyday. Just like a husband or wife to an unfaithful spouse or a parent to a disobedient child, God patiently invests time, love, and trust into a constantly unfaithful creation. God graciously withholds his demand for judgment on our sinful deeds so that those who are perishing may be saved. Admittedly, thinking of an infinite God having to sacrifice anything is quite hard to grasp. However, an infinite God has an infinite desire for justice, imagine how hard holding back infinite justice would be. This is not to say that God has struggles with his own nature. Instead, I believe that God makes sacrifices (I do not even really know what this word means) for his own beloved children everyday.
Restoration.
The redeemer restores a person's value and true worth.
Ultimately, redemption is a change of status. Whether from slave to free, widow to wife, victimized to empowered, redemption is a restoration to an initial state. This restoration occurs through representative and costly redemption.
An analogy would be that of an old beat up copper pitcher one would find in an antique store. The pitcher has long gone unused, crusted over, dull, and dented. Well, a certain person finds this old pitcher, closely inspects the find, and decides to purchase the beat up old thing. He smoothes out the dents, polishes the metal to a bright glistening glow and proudly displays the pitcher during his many dinner parties. He serves lemonade with the pitcher and places this precious work of art as a centerpiece to everything else on the table. He tenderly cleans the restored and beautiful pitcher and stores it in a china cabinet. God restores our old beat up, sinful selves into a precious, clean self. This self is the way God originally intended us to be. This self is the true worth that God sees in us through our blemishes.
In the beginning, God created man and woman and declared his creation good. He placed intrinsic value to his precious creation. However, after the fall, we became dull, dented, and crusted over. We depreciated our worth and became as useless as garbage. God saw past our sins and flaws. He redeems us through his son, Jesus Christ, to restore value, worth, and functionality. Everyday is a process of restoration; everyday we are redeemed and called to redeem others.
God stands as our advocate, our ransom, and our restoration. He stands as our redeemer. Hopefully, I will realize and take notice of God's constant redemption and be His vessel of redemption for other people.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Life, Love, and Lust
Recently, one thing that has plagued my mind was the thought of relationships with the opposite sex. I believe that in this culture of male-female interactions, God gets lost in the emotional ebb and flow of the stormy waves of our minds. Unfortunately, over the past weeks and even now, my mind seems to be constantly occupied by thoughts and feelings that I cannot quite explain. God, however, in his infinite wisdom, has taught me some lessons and has convicted my soul in many ways.
One question that seems to constantly weigh on my soul is the issue of distinguishing between actual God-given attraction or merely the unrestrained lustful desires of my heart. Honestly and quite sinfully in many aspects, I find myself given over to many short-lived periods of infatuation. This type of seemingly innocent feelings of attraction easily lead to the defiling of the thought life. This defilement, I find, is not only manifested in lustful, sexual thoughts, but lustful, non-sexual thoughts . I think males and females generally struggle differently. That being more for males dealing with the first issue and more for females with the second issue. That being said, I struggle with both issues and my failings are not limited to just one. The first one is a more obvious and apparent violation of God's moral law. In many ways, lust is taking the other person against their will and committing acts of sexual perversion in the mind. Sounds kinda like rape. Sounds kinda extreme. However, remember where sin starts. That's right, the thought life. To think that anyone that has thought impurely about someone has, in effect, committed mental rape. Lust not only effects the person committing the sin and the person sinned against, lust stretches far greater than that. Imagine how disrespectful this is for the future husband of this future wife or again the heavenly Father of this precious daughter. Many times, I do not realize the sheer gravity of lustful thought and the abomination lust is to God.
What about the second issue, dealing with infatuation. What about thoughts of having a romantic, non-sexual interaction with that person. This type of lust comes in a more subtle form because of its non-explicit guises. One might think that just because their thoughts are not sexual, they are not committing sin. What could possibly be wrong with thoughts of being wooed or wooing someone else. The thought of being cherished and cherishing another is - in itself - not sinful. However, problems start to arise when this type of longing supersedes our love for God. Not only does this distract our minds from Christ, I find that this alters our motivations, desires, thoughts, and wants away from Christ. Eventually, our fulfillment and happiness no longer depends on Christ, but that person becomes the center of our focus. Only Christ can fill the empty void for companionship. Christ is our first love. During the past few weeks, I found myself preoccupied with other things rather than God. Jesus is the only completely fulfilling thing in my life, he is the only perfect lover and cherisher of my soul. God really convicted me that I should be cherishing God and seeking after the adoration of Christ and not that of a person.
This may sound kind of weird, especially coming from a guy, but God really showed me that a truly perfect relationship only comes through Christ. I so easily become infatuated with people I hardly know, but how often am I infatuated with God. Do I long to be in his presence, to be held under his protective care. Do I freely share the most intimate secrets with my God. Am I willing to sacrifice life and ambition to please the one and only God Almighty. When I think about God, does my heart flutter and my soul blush. Honestly, I hardly have such heart-felt infatuation for God.
At IV Winter Retreat, the message was on the story of Ruth. The story of Ruth is a tender tale of devotion, love, and redemption. (Ruth). Basically, I realized that the interaction between Ruth and Boaz parallels the interaction between God and his followers. Jesus is the true kinsman redeemer; Jesus is the true lover of my soul; and Jesus exemplifies true steadfast-love in his covenant relationship.
God has also taught me that a wife is a gift from God. I neither deserve nor am able to earn a companion. You might be thinking, so you basically are going to sit around and pray that God plops a wife down in front of you. No. I think that this is a good mind set in not being anxious about the future and to truely cherish something that God so graciously gives and does not give. Honestly, I still do not know the clear distinction between attraction and lust, and I struggle with them all the time. Trusting in God is hard to do. Letting go of envy, jealousy, and selfishness is hard to do. Giving to God someone you cherish is hard to do. In the end, even your "soulmate" belongs to God. To demand that someone love you more than God is not love. True love is exemplified when one offers the things that they most cherish to God. However, I certainly do not think that feelings should be denied nor sins hidden. I have resolved to honestly present them to God and wait for him to answer me.
One question that seems to constantly weigh on my soul is the issue of distinguishing between actual God-given attraction or merely the unrestrained lustful desires of my heart. Honestly and quite sinfully in many aspects, I find myself given over to many short-lived periods of infatuation. This type of seemingly innocent feelings of attraction easily lead to the defiling of the thought life. This defilement, I find, is not only manifested in lustful, sexual thoughts, but lustful, non-sexual thoughts . I think males and females generally struggle differently. That being more for males dealing with the first issue and more for females with the second issue. That being said, I struggle with both issues and my failings are not limited to just one. The first one is a more obvious and apparent violation of God's moral law. In many ways, lust is taking the other person against their will and committing acts of sexual perversion in the mind. Sounds kinda like rape. Sounds kinda extreme. However, remember where sin starts. That's right, the thought life. To think that anyone that has thought impurely about someone has, in effect, committed mental rape. Lust not only effects the person committing the sin and the person sinned against, lust stretches far greater than that. Imagine how disrespectful this is for the future husband of this future wife or again the heavenly Father of this precious daughter. Many times, I do not realize the sheer gravity of lustful thought and the abomination lust is to God.
What about the second issue, dealing with infatuation. What about thoughts of having a romantic, non-sexual interaction with that person. This type of lust comes in a more subtle form because of its non-explicit guises. One might think that just because their thoughts are not sexual, they are not committing sin. What could possibly be wrong with thoughts of being wooed or wooing someone else. The thought of being cherished and cherishing another is - in itself - not sinful. However, problems start to arise when this type of longing supersedes our love for God. Not only does this distract our minds from Christ, I find that this alters our motivations, desires, thoughts, and wants away from Christ. Eventually, our fulfillment and happiness no longer depends on Christ, but that person becomes the center of our focus. Only Christ can fill the empty void for companionship. Christ is our first love. During the past few weeks, I found myself preoccupied with other things rather than God. Jesus is the only completely fulfilling thing in my life, he is the only perfect lover and cherisher of my soul. God really convicted me that I should be cherishing God and seeking after the adoration of Christ and not that of a person.
This may sound kind of weird, especially coming from a guy, but God really showed me that a truly perfect relationship only comes through Christ. I so easily become infatuated with people I hardly know, but how often am I infatuated with God. Do I long to be in his presence, to be held under his protective care. Do I freely share the most intimate secrets with my God. Am I willing to sacrifice life and ambition to please the one and only God Almighty. When I think about God, does my heart flutter and my soul blush. Honestly, I hardly have such heart-felt infatuation for God.
At IV Winter Retreat, the message was on the story of Ruth. The story of Ruth is a tender tale of devotion, love, and redemption. (Ruth). Basically, I realized that the interaction between Ruth and Boaz parallels the interaction between God and his followers. Jesus is the true kinsman redeemer; Jesus is the true lover of my soul; and Jesus exemplifies true steadfast-love in his covenant relationship.
God has also taught me that a wife is a gift from God. I neither deserve nor am able to earn a companion. You might be thinking, so you basically are going to sit around and pray that God plops a wife down in front of you. No. I think that this is a good mind set in not being anxious about the future and to truely cherish something that God so graciously gives and does not give. Honestly, I still do not know the clear distinction between attraction and lust, and I struggle with them all the time. Trusting in God is hard to do. Letting go of envy, jealousy, and selfishness is hard to do. Giving to God someone you cherish is hard to do. In the end, even your "soulmate" belongs to God. To demand that someone love you more than God is not love. True love is exemplified when one offers the things that they most cherish to God. However, I certainly do not think that feelings should be denied nor sins hidden. I have resolved to honestly present them to God and wait for him to answer me.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Giving up Light for Darkness
Imagine being in heaven. You are surrounded by the comforting warmth of God's glory. Standing in the loving presence of the Father, you have witnessed the awesome formation of the world. You have seen and heard the thunderous roar of angels as they worship God almighty. God the Father stands by your side as a loving father. There is no pain, no sin, no struggles. The light of God's glory provides eternal sunshine as far as the eye can see. You are as close to God the Father as anything can possibly be.
"1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
Imagine coming to earth. A place of darkness. Cold, cruel and full of sin. Imagine coming down and giving abundant love to the people you call your own. Offering your unconditional love to mothers, fathers, children, and those you call friends. I knew you before you were born. I formed you in your mother's womb. Imagine coming down with love, but only receiving rejection and hatred. Bringing light to the world, but the world rejecting you. Offering eternal life to those that you love, but instead of acceptance, they flog you and nail you to a tree. They spit on you, curse you, and mock you as you hang shamefully on a cross. All you brought was love, but they killed you as a fool.
"9 The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. 11 He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. 12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. "
This, my friends, is what Jesus did for us. This is the extent of his love. Leaving the very presence of God the Father and coming to a cold, dark place. He knew that he was going to get rejected by those he called his own, killed, and given on to the full wrath of God's justice. Who in there right minds would do that? Only a loving God. This is the love of Christ, that one should forfeit everything for the sake of those they love. We, those that Christ loved, killed our beloved savior on that cross. Our hatred and pride were the nails that pierced the hands and feet of our beloved Lord. We are guilty, but God paid the price.
"1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."
Imagine coming to earth. A place of darkness. Cold, cruel and full of sin. Imagine coming down and giving abundant love to the people you call your own. Offering your unconditional love to mothers, fathers, children, and those you call friends. I knew you before you were born. I formed you in your mother's womb. Imagine coming down with love, but only receiving rejection and hatred. Bringing light to the world, but the world rejecting you. Offering eternal life to those that you love, but instead of acceptance, they flog you and nail you to a tree. They spit on you, curse you, and mock you as you hang shamefully on a cross. All you brought was love, but they killed you as a fool.
"9 The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. 11 He came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. 12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. "
This, my friends, is what Jesus did for us. This is the extent of his love. Leaving the very presence of God the Father and coming to a cold, dark place. He knew that he was going to get rejected by those he called his own, killed, and given on to the full wrath of God's justice. Who in there right minds would do that? Only a loving God. This is the love of Christ, that one should forfeit everything for the sake of those they love. We, those that Christ loved, killed our beloved savior on that cross. Our hatred and pride were the nails that pierced the hands and feet of our beloved Lord. We are guilty, but God paid the price.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Sex, sin, and gifts.
James 1: 13-17
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Wow. Verse 15, really gripped my heart when I read the passage. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Noticed that the word conceived is used here. I was like wow, this thing is pretty serious. When I read the word conceived, I thought of the process of forming human life. I know that most of us have been through Health class. This process of conception involves the union of a male and female. Not only does this give a deeper perspective on sin, but on sex as well. That's right, I said the word. I truly believe that sex models our intimate relationship with God. Do not get me wrong, I am just as guilty to cheapening the sacred nature of sex/relationships countless times through my actions and thoughts. Sex is not some physical action nor merely a means for increasing population. We are talking about a physical symbol of God'intimacy with his creation. A sacred unity between God and his church; the Holy Spirit and the believer. I consider sex similar to communion or baptism in the aspect that they are physical representations that symbolize a deeper, more spiritual phenomena of God. This is why God so values the institution of marriage, because marriag symbolizes God's covenant with his church. Do not get me wrong, sex within marriage is only a human symbol that merely represents greater things that God offers. As a result, my heart grieves everytime I think about the times I have cheapen and distorted such a precious and good gift from God.
This passage also reveals the shear violation of God when I give into my evil desires. Think about this for a moment. We as Christians are unified with Christ. We have this unique and intimate relationship with him. However, when I give into my desires, I take part in conceiving sin. I become unfaithful to God and essentially I have 'sex' with my evil desires. Man, sounds pretty reprehensible. Throwing away the intimate, loving union with God and pursuing my sinful desire.
But wait. There is more. Sin does not stop at the moment of conception. Instead, as you read the passage, sin grows. Like a tree, sin starts to become a bigger part of our lives. Finally, at full bloom, sin yields death. So, I guess sin is more serious than I thought.
For further reference, read the OT book of Hosea in NLT. Quite a fascinating read.
I also love the second part of the passage. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above ... This passage has made me so much more thankful. The warm sunshine? Thank God. The refreshing rain? Thank God. The delicious candy bar? Thank God. Humbling to realize that everything from a job to good grades is a gift from God. We earn nothing. Praise him. Thank you, Father God, for the good and perfect gift of your son, Jesus Christ.
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. 14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. 15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. 16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
Wow. Verse 15, really gripped my heart when I read the passage. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Noticed that the word conceived is used here. I was like wow, this thing is pretty serious. When I read the word conceived, I thought of the process of forming human life. I know that most of us have been through Health class. This process of conception involves the union of a male and female. Not only does this give a deeper perspective on sin, but on sex as well. That's right, I said the word. I truly believe that sex models our intimate relationship with God. Do not get me wrong, I am just as guilty to cheapening the sacred nature of sex/relationships countless times through my actions and thoughts. Sex is not some physical action nor merely a means for increasing population. We are talking about a physical symbol of God'intimacy with his creation. A sacred unity between God and his church; the Holy Spirit and the believer. I consider sex similar to communion or baptism in the aspect that they are physical representations that symbolize a deeper, more spiritual phenomena of God. This is why God so values the institution of marriage, because marriag symbolizes God's covenant with his church. Do not get me wrong, sex within marriage is only a human symbol that merely represents greater things that God offers. As a result, my heart grieves everytime I think about the times I have cheapen and distorted such a precious and good gift from God.
This passage also reveals the shear violation of God when I give into my evil desires. Think about this for a moment. We as Christians are unified with Christ. We have this unique and intimate relationship with him. However, when I give into my desires, I take part in conceiving sin. I become unfaithful to God and essentially I have 'sex' with my evil desires. Man, sounds pretty reprehensible. Throwing away the intimate, loving union with God and pursuing my sinful desire.
But wait. There is more. Sin does not stop at the moment of conception. Instead, as you read the passage, sin grows. Like a tree, sin starts to become a bigger part of our lives. Finally, at full bloom, sin yields death. So, I guess sin is more serious than I thought.
For further reference, read the OT book of Hosea in NLT. Quite a fascinating read.
I also love the second part of the passage. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above ... This passage has made me so much more thankful. The warm sunshine? Thank God. The refreshing rain? Thank God. The delicious candy bar? Thank God. Humbling to realize that everything from a job to good grades is a gift from God. We earn nothing. Praise him. Thank you, Father God, for the good and perfect gift of your son, Jesus Christ.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Without a doubt, stressed out.
The first two days of school have been somewhat stressful. I have discovered that I invest a lot into a project. Just with stepping into the emcee role at IV, I have found that I really worry quite a bit. The main issue does not really pertain to the amount of time I spend as opposed to my entire thought process going into planning for such things. When one's thoughts become consumed, their time soon follows. The main difficulty I have comes from the pressure of living up to the responsibilities that other people and God set before me. For example, what if I am not able to be as effective an emcee as those before me. An analogy that might make things more clear:
Let's say I am building a bird house (do not ask me how I thought of that). And when the bird house is complete, I am going to give the house to God as a gift. Do you realize that no matter how perfect I make the bird house, that gift will be a pile of crap compared to the majestic glory of God. Falling along the lines of emcee, no matter how funny or coherent I speak, my role of emcee is a load of crap compared to the majestic glory of God. I feel that no matter how good - or bad - I do as emcee, I will not be able to live up fully to the expectations of IV, other people, and in some ways to God. All in all, the fear of failing at my responsibility to the chapter and the people in the chapter plagues my soul. If you think about my apprehensions, many facets of my feelings are sinful.
I think the barrage of do-this and do-that have burdened me greatly. Do not get me wrong, this advice is valued, but sometimes I do not realize that failure is perfectly fine. I do not realize that occasionally saying something awkward or out of place is fine. Occasionally, forgetting to say something is fine. I have placed this burden of perfection around my neck and this weight drags me down.
Sin 1: Trying to work myself toward perfection.
Consequence: Stress.
Get a load of this cool passage:
Micah 6:6-8
6 “With what shall I come before the Lord,
and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
with calves a year old?
7 Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams,
with ten thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?”
8 He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?
Wow. This totally blows away my perception of the things God really finds pleasure in. I was foolish to think that being funny, being profound, or saying mellifluous words was pleasing to God. Be just, love kindness, and walk humbly with God. The truth of the matter is that the bird house is, in fact, just a bunch of crap. Stop building the bird house by yourself. Come here, and let us be with each other and build the house together. I do not care if the house is slanted, I just want to have fun with you.
Sin 2: Trying to earn God's pleasure.
Consequence: Feeling like a failure.
Wow. I feel a lot better... =)
Let's say I am building a bird house (do not ask me how I thought of that). And when the bird house is complete, I am going to give the house to God as a gift. Do you realize that no matter how perfect I make the bird house, that gift will be a pile of crap compared to the majestic glory of God. Falling along the lines of emcee, no matter how funny or coherent I speak, my role of emcee is a load of crap compared to the majestic glory of God. I feel that no matter how good - or bad - I do as emcee, I will not be able to live up fully to the expectations of IV, other people, and in some ways to God. All in all, the fear of failing at my responsibility to the chapter and the people in the chapter plagues my soul. If you think about my apprehensions, many facets of my feelings are sinful.
I think the barrage of do-this and do-that have burdened me greatly. Do not get me wrong, this advice is valued, but sometimes I do not realize that failure is perfectly fine. I do not realize that occasionally saying something awkward or out of place is fine. Occasionally, forgetting to say something is fine. I have placed this burden of perfection around my neck and this weight drags me down.
Sin 1: Trying to work myself toward perfection.
Consequence: Stress.
Get a load of this cool passage:
Micah 6:6-8
6 “With what shall I come before the Lord,
and bow myself before God on high?
Shall I come before him with burnt offerings,
with calves a year old?
7 Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams,
with ten thousands of rivers of oil?
Shall I give my firstborn for my transgression,
the fruit of my body for the sin of my soul?”
8 He has told you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God?
Wow. This totally blows away my perception of the things God really finds pleasure in. I was foolish to think that being funny, being profound, or saying mellifluous words was pleasing to God. Be just, love kindness, and walk humbly with God. The truth of the matter is that the bird house is, in fact, just a bunch of crap. Stop building the bird house by yourself. Come here, and let us be with each other and build the house together. I do not care if the house is slanted, I just want to have fun with you.
Sin 2: Trying to earn God's pleasure.
Consequence: Feeling like a failure.
Wow. I feel a lot better... =)
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Dreams and a Spanking New Bible!
Last night, I dreamt that I was enthusiastically quoting the Word of God. However, my enthusiasm was insincere. Behind such passionate and mellifluous rhetoric were devious motives. I was citing the Word of God not to promote God, but myself. I was bringing glory and acclaim to myself by deceiving the hearts of others. My external guise of godliness hid my inner motive of fulfilling my own agendas. As I was speaking, a force nudged me from behind and startled me. Who else caused this nudge then God. Immediately, my soul was convicted and exposed to this insincere abuse of God's word. There was no excuse for what I was doing.
By this time, I was startle from my slumber. Surprisingly, I did not wake to a wrathful and frightening feeling of condemnation. Instead, permeating the darkness was the presence of a disciplining father, full of love and convicting truth. That night, God convicted me of a grave sin. I am seeking to win the hearts of the people and not after the heart of my Lord and king. As a result of desiring earthly accolades, I have forfeited all my heavenly treasures. This profound dream made me wonder about how I have been insincere.
The most apparent area is my prayers. More specifically, public prayer. So many times I long to sound godly and spirit filled. I long to win the approval of human ears, desiring for them to think highly of my "godliness". What may be sweet sounding words to the ears of men, is a rotting stench to the Lord. The Lord is pleased by sincere and honest prayers. Praise be to God for humbling the prideful and embracing the meek! Luke 18:9-14.
A side note:
I purchased a new bible today. The version is ESV (English Standard Version). Basically, this translation tries to follow the original Hebrew and Greek word for word. The translators only changed word order to allow for clarity of reading. This translation reads unlike NLT - the Bible I usually use - which is a meaning to meaning translation. The Bible spectrum falls somewhat like this:
Literal word for word: NKJV, ESV, NASB.
Somewhere in the middle: NIV.
Thought for Thought: NLT, the Message.
(By the way, our family has as much bibles as we have televisions and computers. We have at least one of every version listed above. Not suggesting we are pious, because quite frankly, we are far from that. In fact, the reason my Bible seems worn out is not because of over-use, but due to over-abuse. The Bible is a two-edged sword - quite literally)!
A new bible is kinda like a new car or a new toy. At first, even though the words are the same, the Bible seems to be that much more exciting. However, after reading for an extended period of time, your eyes start to hurt. Then your head hurts. Then the Bible does not seem so flashy anymore. Blemishes start to appear out of no where and you look over to your neighbor's Bible with the annotations and passage references. Momma mia, you think, time to get a new Bible. This happened to me after the first 12 hours of getting my ESV. However, I cherish the compact nature of the Bible even though the font is extremely small. (Now, I can sneak my ESV to class and start reading when the professor gets too boring, jk).
This brings up another issue. When you are the second youngest of four boys, everything you get is passed down. This passing down not only occurs with clothes, but with Bibles as well. Seems like almost all the Bibles I have owned were previously used by my brothers. The NLT used to be my oldest brother's. An NIV (until I lost it) used to be my bother's. The ESV I was using, I stole from my younger brother. Well, now I have one of my own ... I think I might sleep with it cuddled in my arms tonight. Man, this is getting to my head!
By this time, I was startle from my slumber. Surprisingly, I did not wake to a wrathful and frightening feeling of condemnation. Instead, permeating the darkness was the presence of a disciplining father, full of love and convicting truth. That night, God convicted me of a grave sin. I am seeking to win the hearts of the people and not after the heart of my Lord and king. As a result of desiring earthly accolades, I have forfeited all my heavenly treasures. This profound dream made me wonder about how I have been insincere.
The most apparent area is my prayers. More specifically, public prayer. So many times I long to sound godly and spirit filled. I long to win the approval of human ears, desiring for them to think highly of my "godliness". What may be sweet sounding words to the ears of men, is a rotting stench to the Lord. The Lord is pleased by sincere and honest prayers. Praise be to God for humbling the prideful and embracing the meek! Luke 18:9-14.
A side note:
I purchased a new bible today. The version is ESV (English Standard Version). Basically, this translation tries to follow the original Hebrew and Greek word for word. The translators only changed word order to allow for clarity of reading. This translation reads unlike NLT - the Bible I usually use - which is a meaning to meaning translation. The Bible spectrum falls somewhat like this:
Literal word for word: NKJV, ESV, NASB.
Somewhere in the middle: NIV.
Thought for Thought: NLT, the Message.
(By the way, our family has as much bibles as we have televisions and computers. We have at least one of every version listed above. Not suggesting we are pious, because quite frankly, we are far from that. In fact, the reason my Bible seems worn out is not because of over-use, but due to over-abuse. The Bible is a two-edged sword - quite literally)!
A new bible is kinda like a new car or a new toy. At first, even though the words are the same, the Bible seems to be that much more exciting. However, after reading for an extended period of time, your eyes start to hurt. Then your head hurts. Then the Bible does not seem so flashy anymore. Blemishes start to appear out of no where and you look over to your neighbor's Bible with the annotations and passage references. Momma mia, you think, time to get a new Bible. This happened to me after the first 12 hours of getting my ESV. However, I cherish the compact nature of the Bible even though the font is extremely small. (Now, I can sneak my ESV to class and start reading when the professor gets too boring, jk).
This brings up another issue. When you are the second youngest of four boys, everything you get is passed down. This passing down not only occurs with clothes, but with Bibles as well. Seems like almost all the Bibles I have owned were previously used by my brothers. The NLT used to be my oldest brother's. An NIV (until I lost it) used to be my bother's. The ESV I was using, I stole from my younger brother. Well, now I have one of my own ... I think I might sleep with it cuddled in my arms tonight. Man, this is getting to my head!
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