Love Skin Deep

I’ve realized that the closer you get to someone the uglier they become. From afar, people look nice. They look beautiful and handsome. However, as we get closer, we start to notice the blemishes on their skin. Their flaws seem to become more pronounced and their beauty seems to diminish and fade. When we first meet someone, we become easily infatuated with the front that they put up. However, as we start to go deeper and notice the ugliness and sin behind the mask, we realize that there’s more to people than we think. Likewise, we are afraid to show people our true selves. I think that this is one condition of the human soul. As we become more intimately acquainted with people, we notice the broken and sinfulness of the human soul. We notice the perversion, selfishness, and jealousy in the heart.

For this reason, I have trouble building truly intimate and transparent relationships. The world sees my shell, but they never see the person I am when I am alone. Transparency is hard, because it exposes the truth that people are not as good as they think they are. People do not know the person I truly am. I would say that people generally describe me as a nice person, but what they see is only a little bit of the person I am, good and bad. If people were only able to enter into my mind, or constantly be with me, they would see the jealousy, lust, pride, and selfishness.

Then what is the point in having deep relationships when all they lead to is brokenness? One thing is that the only person in the entire world who doesn’t get uglier when I get closer is Jesus. When I look deeper into the character and heart of Jesus, I find more and more of his beauty and grace. I see the humanity and inner turmoil of Christ, I see the weight of temptation that he carried, and I see the strength and beauty of a Christ which overcame all those things. Also, Christ sees us all the way to the core. God is able to know us more intimately than we even know ourselves. Yet, even when God is able to see all this rebellion and pain, he still loves us. What grace is that, to die for such a wretched creature as I. And that is God’s redemptive processes, that as we continue to reveal our brokenness to Christ, he continues to repair those things. He wants to take our shame, and he has through the cross. What miraculous power, to take our shame and use that for the glory of God. Be careful as you continue to meet people and go deeper with them cause loving them will become harder and harder. Love is hard. The shallow love of what the world considers beautiful is easy and cheap while the deep love of what the world calls broken and ugly is hard and costly. God did the latter and he calls us to do the same.

Infatuation

I've found that many times at the end of the day, I think about the eternal significance of it. When I realize the fleeting of my life, I wonder about what my days are amounting to. Am I making eternal impact on those around me? Regretfully, it seems that most days are spent worrying and preoccupied with things that will eventually perish. I almost never spend time resting in the beautiful and majestic creation of God. When have I ever momentarily stopped on the quad and felt the cool movement of the wind against my skin. When have I ever stopped to look upon the awe-inspiring stars. When have I slowed down my life in order to hear the concerns of a friend. Many times, I look back on the day and I wonder whether I've made any impact for God's kingdom. I wonder whether I've help God further his kingdom of healing to those around him. That's what I am worried about. I'm worried that I will settle for the easy and comfortable lifestyle and miss out on living true and abundant life. Even as I do my homework, I forget to realize that the effort I but forth has eternal implications for God's kingdom in the future. What is my motivation? Where is my perspective?
admittedly, I get infatuated way too easily - whether it be a person or something else. I get way too easily distracted. Eventually, these things begin to crowd out God. Selfishness ensues. I become infatuate with my wants and desires before God's. Have you ever been so infatuate with someone that every single morning you wake up, you think of that person? That every waking moment you long to be with that person. The motivation that drives you is the prospect of seeing that person, if not but for a brief meeting, during the routine of your day. I want that with Jesus. I've made the mistake of having similar feelings for people rather than the one thing that can fully satisfy me and that is a relationship with Jesus. Sometimes I buy into this world's lie about romance: that some person will be able to fill the void and longing in my heart. It's so hard. It's a struggle. We long to fill deep spiritual need with temporary physical imitations. We think that our answer to intimacy and love is found in another person when it can only be adequately filled with and by Christ. It's just so much easier to believe and strive after things that we can physically grasp in our hands. Many times I wonder about my relationship with God, about how intimate it is and how real it is. I wonder whether my concepts of God are truly who he is or I'm just putting up my own constructs. I want to love Jesus and not the Jesus I have created in my mind - cause if that is the case, we are just loving and worshiping ourselves. It's hard to surrender everything to Christ and not expect anything back. I sometimes say I will give something up to God when in actuality I reason that if I "surrender" something, I will be able to keep it after all. I am learning the meaning of surrender, to give up something you deeply care about and trust that God knows what he is doing. While sometimes surrender means giving things up, other times, surrender means waiting, other times, surrender means taking action. Surrender means trusting that God is in control and that he knows best. For me, I've realized that surrender means not thinking or reasoning too much.

I'm learning to fall in love with God. I hope to see him today, if only for a brief moment.

The Journey

"Christianity is a crutch." Is grace is an excuse for apathy and continued sin? Where can I find the balence between accountability and grace? In so many ways, I've bought into the lie of this world. In fact, I'm still struggling with my whole mind set of earning my self-worth. I'm only worth as much as I can contribute. I think about how I look to God for comfort so many times and wonder if I am using God as a crutch. I wonder if I am molding God into my own image as a coping mechanism for the harsh realities of life. In many ways I am. I've discovered how so many times, I've created a god in my own image for my own purposes and comfort. How many times have I reasoned: "I feel God is calling me do this or that...", or "I feel this is God's will..." when in actuality, I am merely using God to fill my own insecurities and agendas? I've been so caught up in trying to hear God tell me the exact path to go, that I begin to confuse my voice with his. I'm learning to build myself with the charater of God rather then merely just listen to his "voice" for desicion making. It's kinda like the teach a man to fish rather than just giving him one. I think that sometimes I get so caught up in learning to hear God's voice rather than allowing God to transform my character in line with his. In the end, I don't think we are supposed to have our own agendas, hear this voice of "do this" or "make this choice" and follow it. Instead, I believe that God must transform us from the inside out. He must transform our character, our wants, and our will. Eventually, we do not need to listen to that "voice" in order to make a decision, our intimate knowing of God and character transformation will allow us discernment in making godly decisions on our own. Whenever making decisions, I wait for that gut feeling, that "stirring of the spirit." I think that a lot of times, those descisions can be based on human emotions rather than the clear desire of God's will. I think that, in the end, God doesn't desire followers who are robots who mindlessly follow orders from God. I think that God desires people who think for themselves. People with transformed characters filled with spirit and wisdom. The transformation of the character is much more powerful than the following of a command. This begins with prayer for wisdom and the seeking of it through studying God's word. You want to know more about God's will for your life? Read the Bible and start living it.

So many times I desire the miraculous appearances of angels or visions to tell me what God intends for my life. This desire is flawed. First thing, God decides when and how to give us those life altering visions. Second, for the people in the Bible, these people were not seeking after that vision, they were living life when God decides to show up. I've got to realize that before those big, life changing moments, I must first remain faithful in the everyday.

I make myself more godly than I truly am. I've come to the conclusion that majority of my decisions are based on my selfish desires. I have to be honest. I'm not to pious. I read a passage in the Bible, I quickly forget the passage, and I don't even apply it to my life. I find it extremely hard to pray. It feels like I'm talking to a distant parent that I just had a fight with. Sometimes, I feel like my prayers are so fake. Public prayer seems geared toward the listening audience and my mind cannot stay focused during private prayer. Praise God. Through that struggle, I get a sense that God is painfully refining the temperment of my soul. It's frustrating though, when God seems so distant that you doubt his sovereignty or initmate existence in your life.

Sometimes, I feel so tired, so lonely on this Christian journey. Sometimes, I just want to give up. Temptation seeps into the brain, telling me to give up and stop trying. Sometimes, the frustration builds up like water behind a dam and it feels like the dam is going to collaspe anytime. It feels like the mind is going to breakdown. Sometimes, being Christ-like comes so easily, it feels like 2nd nature. Other times, being Christ-like feels so artificial and fake. Many times this feeling of lonely desperation building up comes from implosive living. When someone holds onto all their struggles and feelings to themselve until they explode. I hide from God. I restrain my thoughts from him. I fear him, I despise him, I hate him when all he does is love me unconditionally. He loves me like his son yet I treat him as garbage. I'm just so scared to approach the holy throne of God. I'm scared of my shame coming to light, scared that I have to change, to actually leave my shell of comfort. God disciplines those that he loves. Discipline me, teach me, mold me, guide me in your ways o LORD. I'm physically sick, and through that experience God has shown me his tender strength. I've come to realise how vulnerable and weak I am, but also how sustaining the arms of God can be when I desperately grasp onto them. Ultimately, we cannot walk the Christian walk. We cannot take up the life Christ has called us to live. Christ must walk it for us. He has. Christ must carry and spur us on. He is our only strength and hope. I think we all long for someone to understand us, to journey with us, to be intimate with us. That is why we blog, get so emotionally infatuated, and get so caught up in sin. We're looking for sympathy, looking for someone to resonate with us, someone to share our sorrows. In the end, no one, not a single person can fully understand what is going on in my mind. No one can fully understand the things I am struggling with. Not one can fill my empty void for understanding except for Christ. Imagine the struggle Jesus had to go through. He carried a burden on his heart that none of us can fully understand. Yet, Christ understands our struggles completely. Thank you, Jesus, for loving and understanding us even though we hated you and misunderstood your struggle and sacrifice.

How to Dissuade Yourself from Becoming a Blogger

How to Dissuade yourself from becoming a blogger.
Enjoy.

Christian Community

Acts 2:42-47

"42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45 And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved."

When all is said and done, things begin to become clearer and simplier. I think the down fall with working in God's kingdom is that so many times I complicate the situation. I complicate the means and methods, and I complicate the entire reasoning behind why I do what I do. I think with planning large groups last year, I got lost with over-complication in the planning when - after everything is stripped away - we realize that Jesus is the only reason and means that we do the things that we do. After reading this passage, I was really convicted and humbled by the simplicity of what the early Christians devoted themselves to. The essential, unfallible truth of the Apostle's teaching. Fellowship, breaking of bread, and prayer. What really stood out to me was their devotion to the later three.

Fellowship. I think that many times, we can get the most distracted by having fellowship. I think that many times, I get so caught up in having fun, I begin to get caught up in myself. The thing that really eats at me is the fact that whenever people are having fun and hanging out, there's always someone being excluded. When I was growing up, I always felt like the one being excluded. Part of the out crowd. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. That people looked down at me, they were annoyed at me, and that I was always unwanted. Some people don't realize how painful it is to feel forgotten or even worse, unwanted. However, I think that this feeling of hurt can eventually get really unhealthy and selfish. Eventually, self-pity sets in and it becomes you against the world. God is teaching me to take more proactive steps in inviting others to join in on the fun rather than sulking. I suppose in the end, fellowship is not about us or me or you. It's about others. With me, I get so caught up with my insecurity, my comfortableness, my desire for fun that I forget about the person sitting in the corner not having fun. I'm so busy talking with people that I know that I forget to talk with those that nobody knows or cares to talk with. Yeah, it's a little bit uncomfortable, awkward, and weird. Yeah, it requires a little step of faith. Man, it's so hard to remember what allows us to gather and the reason for meeting. We're all here because of Jesus. Let's not forget.

Breaking of bread. I think that the meaning of breaking of bread is not simply that they ate together nor merely had communion together. Communion or Eucurist was a form of rememberance and celebration - rememberance of the serious sacrifice of Christ, and a celebration of what he did for the entire fallen creation. I believe that we as Chrisitians should be committed to celebrating our milestones together - of remembering God's faithfulness in our lives. Eating together and making small talk is one thing. Eating together and remembering why we're eating together in the first place is another thing altogether. We're all here because of Jesus. Let's not forget.

Prayer. This probably convicts me the most. I most certainly do not prayer alone nor with other enough. In the end, we can have the best programs and talent in the world, but without prayer, it will amount to nothing. Prayer is so difficult to do (esspecially with someone with a short attention span). To sit and be still and do nothing but converse with God is one of the hardest disciplines for me to follow. I've also found that I pray the wrong prayers and with the wrong expectations. First thing is that I am not honest with God. I'm learning to curse God more and yell at him more. This might be heretical, but I'm learning to be more raw with God as a worship to him. Do you curse when you pray, do you admit your most evil and shameful desires. I'm trying, but it is hard. People usually do not realize this, some people don't even care, some people aren't even looking for it, but deep inside the heart contains the vilest sin and anger. Deep inside we are molesters, murderers, and thieves. Stand before the presence of God and see how well you stand up against him. Open up your heart and see the sickness that rots within. God wants to take that and burn it away from your soul. Give all that you have to God. Also, I don't think people realize that they are answers to their own prayer and the prayers of others. Sometimes I don't realize the implications that prayer has. We desire God to help us be more like him... Do you realize that means taking up the cross? We desire people to come to Christ... Do you realize that means persecution and hatred from the world? A spiritual battle for souls is going on right now. I may be the only person praying for some of my friends right now. Imagine people walking around campus, lost and under the influence of Satan without someone to pray for them. Sad and scary. Let's remember who makes the world go round, who gives us life and vitality. Jesus.

There's so much in this passage... I guess the big question is should we sell all our possessions? The answer is God demands much more than that. He wants your life, your soul, your hopes, and your ambitions. He wants it all. We are not to sell everything and live communally. That would be stupid and we would be extrememly bad stewards of God's possessions. However, the question that I ask myself deals with where my heart is. It pains me cause my heart is not in the right place. I am rich. I am the rich young ruler. I am the camel through the needle of the eye. I think the mere fact that I ask that question as I read the passage reveals my love of what I have. It reveals the fear that I have of losing my possessions. The answer to the question is yes and much more. We must not merely sell, but sacrifice all to God. After all it's all or nothing.

More to be said, but I'm getting too judgemental. Laters.

Recent thoughts

Sometimes I'm so busy running my life, I forget about the life God is running in me. The truth is hard. The truth that I am so selfish. The truth that I am so prideful. The truth that I am a failure. My conscience aches when I realize the complete depravity of my life, the fact that my life seems so engrained with sin. The truth is that God is greater than all those things. I think that for me right now, realizing the extent of God's grace is extremely challenging. Just today, I noticed an anger welling up in me over some small complication in the travel abroad. Such a trivial thing as that caused so frustration toward others and God. I've realized that sanctification still has a long ways to go in my life. It's funny how the closer you get to God, the more you notice your sin. It's also funny how God still beckons you to enter into his arms.

One thing that God is trying to teach me is the essential need of following Christ daily. I've lived too often with the expectation for God to dazzle me. In reality, we were intended to worship him - all the time. What is the meaning of life? To give God glory whether we feel like it or not. If we are not able to be faithful in the little daily things, how can we be faithful with the big, spectacular things? Ultimately, we can't be. That is one thing that God is teaching me. He is slowing teaching me to have a grateful heart. God doesn't need humans for his will to be done, however, he graciously gives us the privledge of - not only witnessing - but participating in his glorious work. He gives us the go-ahead to fail while trying and to enter into his plan even though we don't know what we are doing half the time. Doesn't that make life exciting? Stepping into the unknow, yet knowing that God is waiting there to catch you. Realizing that every breath is a breath closer to God, every breath is another step in God's refinement of your soul.

Next time you're on the Quad. Stop. And listen. Every single person you see has a unique story of pain, struggle, and laughter. God has intricately woven the threads of their life to the very point where they now stand. Can you hear their hearts? Can you see their broken lives and feel their desperate longing for something to fill the voids within their soul. Some are thirsting for something greater while others are blinded to the reality of life. God can hear every one of their voices. This campus is broken. We are broken. I am broken. As humans we can possibly mend this campus together. However, we need God to completely tranform it. Revival, transformation, and rebirth begains with death. Death to the self, and life that can only come through, by, and given from Christ. Doesn't it hurt? That people are continuing with their daily routine, broken, unsatisfied, and oblivious. We, as "Christians" are walking the same way. We are so busy walking our own path that we don't notice that God has crossed our lives with the lives of others. Look around. Smell the roses. Life is not just aobut you. Life is about giving God glory. Life is worship.

Old Poems

I was looking around in the basement today and I found this cool collection of old pieces of writing that I wrote when I was younger. I found this collection of poems I had apparently written. Here are a few of them with more to come later:

Easter
Why do you laugh at such a man?
He tried and did all he can.
He tried to help you out,
But you just kicked him about.
He was innocent of any crime,
Sold to death for one thin dime.
On that day, you saw his face,
As he walked with a tiring pace.
And in his eyes all you saw,
Was just love without a flaw.
But you just sat there,
And gave him an angry stare.
You lifted up your fisted hand,
And on that face it did land.
You saw into his loving eyes,
But still cried that he dies.
He was marched to the place
Where the punishment he would taste.

His eyes were mercy overflowing,
But your anger blinded your knowing.
You could have said not even a word,
But that anger made you yell absured.
And on that death rack he hung.
As a hero who's song was unsung.
Each hit that drove the nail,
was each time your love would fail.
You mocked and laughed with hate,
Until his life was almost too late.
On the most grusome symbol he lay.
However, he saved oyu on that day.
But out of this came a light,
To give the weak: might.

But then the hate was taken away.
For you could see the love that day.
You realized your great sin
Was on each hand's pin.
That great denial,
You thought was beyond reconcile.
But on that cross, that man said.
With all his might, before he was dead,
"Father, mercy on those; please, forgive,
So that each one of them may live."

This story does not end.
For there was more to send.
After three days in the grave,
A road to salvation that did pave.
He gave you a great gift.
Made it so your life will lift.
And this great man is here today,
And will love you all the way.
Even if people beat you down
And you try to keep a frown,
This man will always love
and give you preace from above.


Untitled
Welcome, I am a robot.
My head is a silver pot.
When I walk out of bed,
I sometimes feel half dead.
My iron stomach starts to moan,
And then it starts to groan.
So when the stove gets fired,
And I am just too tired,
I just pop off my pot
And put it on the stove top.
Wtih my head cooking,
I throw eggs while not looking.
For you understan',
My eyes are on the pan.

Another benefit,
Is where I sit.
When there are no seats around,
And a seat is nowhere found,
I do something neat,
And use my head as a seat.

As you can see,
You're jealous of me.
Cause you don't own
A pot of your own.
And you will always cry,
And you will always sigh,
For this pot is the best,
And your organic head a pest.
So just say it now,
And give me a bow.
Robots are way way better
For they have a better header.

(Wow, I can totally see my Feel-er personality trait coming out in the next one)

The Misunderstood Man
Everyday I get pie-ed
Don't like to be denied.
Everyday I stand around,
My self-esteem is downed.
Still ...
People point with mocks
And at me, throw their socks.
I am so sad
This makes me mad.
I try to be funny
and very very punny.
I give them a smile
That stretched a mile.
But ...
People point with mocks
And at me throw their socks.
I am so sad
This makes me mad.
For I am a clown
And I cannot frown.
Please stop mistreating me
and don't take my glee.
Don't ...
Point with mocks
Or throw your socks
I am so sad
This makes me mad.
Clowns have feelings too,
Not just to amuse you.
So ...
Next time you see
A clown like me,
Say thank you,
And please don't boo.

It seems like I was a better writer in 8th grade than I am now! I feel so sorry for that clown. :*( .

SLT Journal Entry: scenery and Wildlife

Here are some pictures I drew sitting in front of the recreation hall. The top on is of the water front. On the water front, there is a pier where the Floating Bear arrives to transfer people to the other side. There is also a small beach where the children spend most of there time while we are in morning session learning about "leadership". Apparently, there are leeches that float around in the lake. As in the picture, Sunfish sail boats and kayaks sit along the beach. I did not sail. I needed to pass a swim test in order to take out a Sunfish. If you don't know, I cannot swim.
I drew a picture of my foot and the various activities that are available while at SLT. My foot formed blisters and they were pretty much constantly filthy.


This is a seagull. They basically are more prevalent in the U.P. of Michigan than humans. Notice the downward slant of this bird's eyebrows. The like to gather in large flocks and come frighteningly close to you while you are eating. At Mackinac Island, they really like to swoop down and poop on you. One seagull got me in the shoe.
Next time you see one of these, do NOT feed this animal. Feeding the seagull will only promote the creature's annoying behavior of squawking for food. Instead, feed it a rock, throw a rock at it, or put a stick of dynamite in a hot dog bun and give the "hot dog" to the seagull.

The only creature probably more prevalent than the seagull is the mayfly. For a few days during SLT these insects land on the windows and walls looking for a mate. Apparently, they spend the majority of their lives in the water as larvae. Then they emerge out of the water for a few days, mate, and finally die. These insects are relatively harmless however - maybe except for the occasionally mating on the arm. My guess is that I've probably eaten about 10 buh-gillion while I've slept. They're probably from Canada.



I got impregnated twice while at SLT. The first time came as a huge surprise. One day, I noticed a huge bump on my forearm. It's hard to describe the emotions going through my mind, but they were a mixture between joy and anxiety. I wondered what kinda of creature lay under my skin. My appetite grew. I was eating for two now. I started craving all sorts of different winged foods that I did not normally eat.
The second time, the back of my right arm grew abnormally large. My knuckles eventually disappeared beneath my inflamed hand. I must have been carrying twins or something. Occationally, my hand would itch. I was the proud father of two strapping young mayflies. They eventually found mates and died.

There was also a porcupine name Oscar that hung around the campus for a while. There is even a song written by the Tri State Trio in honor of our beloved spiky friend. (More on the Tri State Trio here). He seemed very ill though. He couldn't climb trees and he would slowly avoid people in a very lethargic manner. I probably shouldn't have feed him all those ice cream sandwiches. I'm just joking, I ate them all for myself. Muahhahahahahahaha! Yes, my precious delicious goodies. Yes, all for me and none for all. Well, we eventually put him in a trash can and set him off in the woods to die peacefully if not violently. Awww, I kinda miss that cute, sick animal. I just want to rub my face against his jagged and sharp quills.

True Love

I think that one misconception of love is that people think love is a feeling. I think that to some degree - a very small one - love is that feeling in the heart, but I think most of that comes from a surge of hormones through the body. Love, for the most part, is not a "feeling". I believe that love is best exemplified through the conscious actions of the will. In order to truly love someone, they have to be willing to demonstrate it through self-sacrificial living. Also, many times I fall into the trap of wanting to naturally love someone. That our actions should be the natural outpouring of what we feel towards that person. I think that this kind of thinking can produce a lot of misconceptions of love. The first being that loving people that you love is easy. Through the example of Jesus, we come to realize that true love is hard to practice. The call to love one another is also the call to take up one's cross. Sometimes we have to "force" ourselves to exemplify love to those around us. After understanding the meaning and implications of love, we begin to realize that loving someone is contrary to our earthy nature. The world has perverted love and has made it into an impulsive feeling - rash and selfish. The only possible means of loving someone comes from the example and transforming power of Christ. We love because he loved us first. Sometimes we have to love someone not because we feel like loving them but simply because Jesus demands that of us. He asks us to love our enemies to return enmity with Christ's love. That is so contrary to human nature, to love those that hate you and that you hate. Now that's radical. Annoyed by your roommate? love him. Do you have enmity toward your parents? love them. Did someone betray your trust and break your heart? love them. Man, it sends chillls down the spine doesn't it?
Now I'm certainly not saying love means being taking advantage of. Love is being Christ to others. whether that means rebuking or even being taken advantage of, love places the self below all others. The fact that love demands such a surrendering makes practicing love so hard for me. I love being selfish. It's so much easier to do.
I think that for a long time I thought that life was easy for Jesus. That loving the prostitutes, tax collectors, and lepers was easy. Now, I'm realizing that Jesus lived the most difficult life in all history. I'm sure that loving those that society hated and even loving those that hated him was extremely hard. Accepting the cross was hard. We are called to do likewise. Thankfully not by ourselves, but through the power of the only person who was able to do such things, Jesus Christ.
What is true love? Ture love is choosing to exempify the self-sacrificial life of Christ even when you don't feel like loving someone and when the world tells you differently. Love is being Christ to others even if you don't feel like it. I think that true Christianity is best exemplified through suffering. Just look at the world around you - the church at large. God moves during persecution. The richness of worship arrives when worship is hard. The fullness of love arrives when loving is difficult. The refinement of Christians arrives when being christian is difficult. Sacrifice simply isn't sacrifice until it cost something, until our hearts ache because we realise God demands our entire lives. I cringe as I write this because of the implications of what I am saying. Instead of seeking the path of least resistance, the fullness of Christ can sometimes only be experienced through the most difficult path.
I praise God. The Christian life is hard, but God is there to sustain. The Christian life is difficult, but it is the best and only life to live. God demands all because he wishes to give us all. God, give me the strength to love when I don't feel like it. Slowly change me so that my nature will become as yours. Kill me, so that you can live in me. That eventually, I will love as you love. Amen.

The Return Home

It's kinda weird returning home to a much quieter and emptier house. My return home meal consisted of a bunch of double stuffed Oreos, a microwaved piece of pizza, and a can of lukewarm coke. Kinda depressing isn't it? Well it feels that way. I'm experiencing what they call re-entry syndrome. Where the body and mind are both weak and prone to spiritual attack. In fact, I can feel a lot of spiritual attack coming on already. I just want to roll up into a cacoon and never emerge. However, I long to see many beloved friends and family to see how God has been working in their lives and share about what God has been teaching me at the UP of Michigan.

What I came back with:
1. A wealth of equiping for God's kingdom
2. Renewed vision and encouragement
3. A big realization of my pride, shame, and selfishness
4. A fuller perspective on God's kingdom and where I stand in that
5. Fond memorizes and cherished relationships
6. A nice farmer's tan
7. A piece of drift wood
8. A whole lot of dirty laundry
9. A whole lot of things I still have to deal with
10. A call to live a much risker life for God

In depth stuff and maybe some pictures later.